The Maybe Boundary: Why I Stop Planning After One Shrug
You’re staring at the group chat or your inbox. You’ve put in the work—scouted the venue, checked the times, and sent the invite. Then it happens. That lukewarm, non-committal ghost of a response: “Maybe.”
We’ve been conditioned to think “maybe” is a placeholder for a future “yes.” It isn’t. In the world of high-stakes productivity and genuine social connection, a maybe is a soft no that steals your time. If you want to reclaim your sanity, you need to implement the Maybe Boundary: the moment someone refuses to commit, you stop planning for them.
The Psychology of the Shrug
Why do people say maybe? It’s rarely about a genuine scheduling conflict. More often, it’s about “Fear of Better Options” (FOBO). They want to keep you on the hook while they wait to see if something more exciting or lucrative comes along.
When you accommodate a maybe, you are essentially telling the other person that your time is less valuable than their indecision. You become the backup plan. That’s a toxic dynamic for any professional or personal relationship.
- It creates mental clutter. You’re constantly checking for updates.
- It wastes resources. You book larger rooms or buy more supplies “just in case.”
- It breeds resentment. You feel ignored when they eventually flake.
Establishing the Maybe Boundary
The rule is simple: As soon as a non-committal response hits your desk, that person is removed from the equation. You don’t chase them. You don’t “follow up tomorrow.” You proceed as if they said no.
This isn’t about being petty; it’s about being precise. If you are organizing a team lunch and three people say maybe, you book the table for the people who said yes. If the maybes show up and have to sit on stools at the bar, that is a natural consequence of their indecision.
The Day I Stopped Buying Extra Sandwiches
I learned this the hard way three years ago. I was hosting a local workshop for creative entrepreneurs. I had five firm RSVPs and twelve “maybes.” My ego told me that people were just busy and they’d surely show up.
I spent an extra $200 on artisan catering and printed twelve extra workbooks. I remember the smell of fresh sourdough and the crisp weight of the paper in my hands. I felt prepared. But when the clock struck 9:00 AM, only the five “yes” respondents were in their seats.
I spent the next hour staring at twelve soggy sandwiches and twelve stacks of wasted paper. I hadn’t just lost money; I had lost my focus. I was so preoccupied with the people who weren’t there that I wasn’t fully present for the people who were. That was the last time I ever subsidized someone else’s lack of commitment.
Reclaiming Your Hope and Time
There is an incredible freedom in the Maybe Boundary. When you stop planning for the undecided, your life becomes streamlined. You spend your energy on the “Hell Yes” people—the ones who value your time as much as you do.
Start today. The next time you get a “maybe,” reply with: “No worries! Since I need to finalize plans, I’ll count you out for this time. Hope to see you at the next one!”
You’ll find that people either magically find the ability to commit, or they fade away. Either way, you win.
FAQs
1. Isn’t this a bit harsh for close friends? It’s actually kinder. By setting a boundary, you prevent the resentment that builds when a friend constantly flakes on your plans.
2. What if it’s my boss saying maybe? Professionalism requires clarity. If a boss is non-committal, send a summary: “Since this is unconfirmed, I’m prioritizing Project B to ensure we hit our deadlines. Let me know if that changes.”
3. What if I’m the one who needs to say maybe? Be honest. Say, “I can’t commit right now, so please proceed without me. If I can make it last minute, I’ll reach out to see if there’s still room.”
4. Does this apply to digital events or webinars? Yes. Even if there’s no physical cost, the mental energy of tracking “maybes” drains your focus from the actual content.
5. How do I handle someone who gets offended by the boundary? People who benefit from your lack of boundaries are usually the only ones who get upset when you set them. Their reaction is a confirmation that the boundary was necessary.
6. What if I really want them to be there? Tell them that once. “I’d love to have you, but I need a firm answer by 5 PM to make this work.” If they still say maybe, let go.
